Allan Takes Aim Blog

The Boadicea Factor

Posted on: 17 July 2009


As a diet of politics would be just as monotonous as a diet of baked beans or bananas or any other food you might like to choose, I’m going to forget them and write about women, who, it must be said are even more devious and scheming than any politician. Let me correct that last statement: I’m going to write about one woman: Boadicea, using her more common name rather than her proper name, Boudicca.

Not that writing about women was a choice. It came about when Boadicea XXIV, wife, light of my life and direct descendant of the warrior queen bore down on me and said you’d better write a blog on women.  I replied immediately yes, sweetness. By the way this is not because I’m henpecked it’s simply because I’d like to live longer.

As I write I can hear the bar room gladiators muttering into their beer ‘there’s no way I’d put up with that; I’d soon tell her where to go.’ Well I’ve got news for them: the place they had in mind won’t take her. In fact once, when I pleaded with its twin horned manager to take her (I even tried to bribe him with my soul) he shivered, went pale and said: ‘ thanks but no thanks, this place is hot enough.’

Now I suspect that more than a few men suffer the same problem and so this blog is written to publicise it in the hope that a fellow sufferer, short of suggesting I should act in a way that would get me a ten years job counting tiles in a monk like cell in one of those home away from home palaces her majesty has dotted around the countryside, could tell me how to overcome it.

But let me not delay. If I don’t get a move on and write something to satisfy the light of my life, even a cell might be beyond my grasp. Added to that, as she stands behind me, she has made it abundantly clear she’s going to make sure that what I write is what she wants.

‘Don’t men realise’ she said, ‘that for thousands of years women’s generosity has allowed men to think they were the leaders of society and that Cleopatra, My ancestor Boadicea I, Joan of Arc, Catherine the Great, Golda Meir, Indira Ghandi, and even Maggie Thatcher, only donned the leadership mantle to serve as a gentle reminder to men that it’s women who actually wear the trousers. 

‘Let me tell you that this didn’t happen by accident. This was a deliberate and calculated strategy by the Sisterhood aimed at putting men back in their place before they got carried away with the delusion that they were the world’s power brokers. And the fact that more and more women are entering politics, business, the military and taking up cricket, football, rugby, basketball, boxing et al. traditionally thought of as male sports, is a continuation of that strategy.

‘The fact is that women are so fed up with the mess that men have made that they’ve taken the decision to do something about it before it gets worse, and when more women presidents and prime ministers are in power the grand plan will go into action. Though this might be a few years away, it’s closer than men think.

‘l know men won’t like what were going to do but they’ll just have to get used to it. We’re going to stop all this nonsense that men and women are equal. It isn’t true. Men are inferior, and you’re a good example.

‘In your case I’m sick to death of trying to train you to wash and dry the dishes without breaking them and of having to clean up after you’ve cleaned up. And I’m sick too, of you spilling the tea over me and letting my breakfast slide off the tray when you serve me in bed and sick of your complaining at night- time that you’re tired, have a headache or are suffering from a bad back. ‘Women are going to reverse this state of affairs and restore harmony and order so that men will again know their place in the world.’

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