Allan Takes Aim Blog

Beware the mobile phone

Posted on: 22 September 2009

Published “The Chronicle” Tuesday, 15 September, 2009   

After long deliberation I’ve decided to come out of the closet to deny those who delight in digging the dirt on people. I’ve decided to speak out about all the hidden things in my life so that people get the real and not some confected story about my secret love life or criminality.

 It seems to me that if people want the real story, what could be better than getting it straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak. I have taken the view that if I am to be outed and destroyed I don’t want it to be by media exposure brought on by an innocent picture of me, taken by mobile phone, showing me giving a good looking young lady (my daughter most likely, because I can’t think of anyone else at the moment) a peck on the cheek.  

I confess however, that long before meeting Boadicea I might have welcomed such a picture but in those days, unfortunately, mobile phones didn’t exist. On the other hand, when I recalled those other events, I realised that on some occasions the lack of mobile phonesmight have been fortunate as some pictures would not have been welcomed. 

Today however the innocent picture when splashed across the media could wreak havoc with my reputation and so damage it that it could it could lead to serious problems with the women members in my fan club waiting for me to give them a peck. (Well, we all have our delusions).

The picture could even destroy all the years of hard work I’ve put into politics and any hope I had of a glittering political career. To start with, the photo could destroy my hope of being number one candidate on the Morality Party ticket at the next election; indeed it could end my candidacy before it started. However, even if it didn’t, it could lead to me falling flat on my face and without a chance when one considers the range of moral and beautiful people who say they intend to re-contest the next election. And I’m only talking about the men.

 I’m not going to name them all but I feel sure you will agree with me that Jon Stanhope, Zed Sejelsa and Shane Rattenbury are a trio who epitomise masculine beauty? Indeed, when I think of them I wonder why thousands of tourists flock to Florence to gaze in awe at Michelangelo’s statue of David. Don’t they realise they could have saved themselves a fortune had they attended the ACT Assembly where the masculine beauty on display, including that of the aforementioned trio, would be equal to, if not better than the masculine beauty of the Florentine statue, even if not in the nude.

Instead, as tourists they preferred to waste thousands of dollars travelling to Florence and on their return rave to friends and relatives about the David statue and show off their new found knowledge of great sculpture. Indeed, if the ACT Government had consulted some of these people about sculpture, I think it more than likely that the pieces recently added to Canberra’s display of public art might have been quite different.

In case you think I’ve forgotten the other male Labor and Liberal MLAs I haven’t. However, I have to say, even if not everyone will agree with me that they were left behind in the beauty race. Let me add that if a place past last existed, one of them would have won it. However, wishing to be fair let me amend that statement and say they would have come in equal last.

Mind you I know that some voters say that although they came last they should have won. On the other hand some voters say they wish they didn’t have to wait until the running of the race again in October 2012. They think that already they should have been stopped racing forever and put to graze out of the public eye.

You might wonder why I haven’t made mention of women? Just let me say I can get into enough trouble with Boadicea as it is without inviting any more, apart from which I would like to be around in 2012.

For the best of Canberra’s Community news get “The Chronicle. Published every Tuesday


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