Allan Takes Aim Blog

A true Frankenstein story

Posted on: 3 May 2012


Special Notice

Due to circumstances beyond my control my usual Chronicle column could not published this week. But to keep faith readers here is another article I hope you enjoy

Don’t forget, The Chronicle is published every Tuesday and also online on Wednesday at: http://www.chronicle online.com.au So keep reading.

Of late, the story of Dr Frankenstein has much occupied my mind. First, in a matter of a personal nature; and second, because I believe Frankenstein had a close and sinister relationship with Canberra. Not an alarmist by nature I decided that before I made this relationship public, I checked discretely with some of Canberra’s eminent physicians who opined that not only did some Canberrans exhibit the same traits as the original Frankenstein but that, thankfully, such people were only to be found in the ranks of politicians and senior bureaucrats. They doubted their existence among ‘ordinary’ Canberrans.

In keeping with my not being an alarmist let me add that the purpose of this essay is not to publicly identify those politicians and bureaucrats who exhibit Frankenstein traits (they are quite capable of doing that themselves) but to make the community aware of their existence so that if ever they come in contact with them they can take appropriate action.

I know there are people who, having read the story of Dr Frankenstein think he died and lies buried in an Antarctic ice-flo in line with his belief in cryogenics. Not so. The fact is Dr Frankenstein chose this flo because he had arranged with the Australian Government of the day that when the parliament moved to Canberra the block of ice containing Dr Frankenstein’s body would be cut out and put on a fishing trawler on its to Australia.

The Government was to be informed immediately when it arrived but no public announcements of its arrival were to be made. (According to recently released cabinet documents, the government, allegedly, didn’t want to frighten people.)

Not so. The truth is, after Frankenstein thawed out he was to be brought to Canberra for questioning in secret by scientists. During questioning, Frankenstein disclosed that that even when in the ice –flo his mind had carried on working and that he had perfected a method of creating humans with reproductive capacity and also a method of re-making people.

This delighted the Government because it was seen as the answer to the problem of recruiting people to live and work in Canberra, something the Government was finding difficult. As result Dr Frankenstein was given the money to build facilities and brief to populate the city by putting his theories into effect. The Government was on safe ground because with few Australians travelling to Canberra no one but the politicians would know what was going on, an ideal position for most politicians.

Unfortunately, some ambitious politicians who thought they deserved to be immortal thought Frankenstein could realise their ambition and remake them, time, and time again. To his credit Frankenstein saw this as a problem. As he pointed out to the government if the politician who wanted a remake was Labor and the only parts available at the time were from people who had been Liberal, National, Democrat, Green, or Independent, while he could guarantee what they looked like, he couldn’t guarantee their political ideology.

To assuage his fears a government spokesperson said: “Don’t worry about that Doctor we’re mixed up all the time.” That having been said, Australians should consider themselves fortunate that few politicians have been remade so making it easy to recognise the ones who have.

Although the programme faced many difficulties, Frankenstein pursued his brief which is why so many politicians and bureaucrats look like each other Unfortunately, however, Frankenstein couldn’t change the unstable emotional nature of his creations which, when upset, could go instantly from funny to ferocious.

So if you live in or are visiting Canberra before making a complaint to a politician or bureaucrat for the sake of your family make sure your life insurance policy is always paid up to date.

And finally: if you can prove the rumour that Dr Frankenstein is still alive could you let me know how to get hold of him because I’ve got some bits I’d like replaced?
dca@netspeed.com.au

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