Allan Takes Aim Blog

Does “Flirting’ have a use by date

Posted on: 14 June 2013

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 Does ‘Flirting’ have a use by date?

Since reading a column about ‘flirting’ in the London Times many years ago, I have flirted with the idea of writing this column. That it has taken so long might indicate my real flirting days are over which is what I say Boadicea, light of my life and direct in line descendant of the warrior queen, who has held me in thrall for fifty four years, when she catches me looking at particularly attractive young females.

For whatever reason, the article treated ‘Flirting’ with frivolity perhaps because the lady who wrote it, sadly I cannot remember her name, was young and unaware of its seriousness.

In truth I was surprised to find this article in ‘The Times,’ long having laboured under the impression that as a newspaper it was as stuffy as the Conservative establishment it allegedly represented. Indeed, I had heard it referred to as a staid and stuffy.But was it staid and stuffy or was this just a rumour put about by its enemies?

Maybe it had been staid and stuffy and was the ‘Flirting’ article a sign of the times and a way of making the point that conservative British society was now in free-fall. On the other hand, was it something I could sympathise or was it that a staid and stuffy old lady old was hitching up her skirts and kicking up her heels in a final fling to prove she still had it?

Better late than never I must make clear that ‘Flirting’ is not a matter of frivolity but an art and a serious subject. It is not simply the preliminary eyeball jousting males and females engage in before moving to the more serious battles when the latter valiantly engage in protecting virgin territory.

As an art however, ‘Flirting’ not only seems endangered but so endangered that I’m thinking of asking the Government to fund a program for its protection. That it is an important art is clear also because so many people consider it a necessary pre-requisite to marriage. And though it might not be well known, ‘Flirting’ is also important in historical economic terms. For example how many young people today know  that, ‘Flirting’ played a major role in the economic recovery of Britain, Europe and the United States post World War II? I suspect it might have played a similar role in Australia and New Zealand.

You might think that last statement fanciful and flirting with the truth but it’s true because, as I read the article, my mind raced back to a time when ‘Flirting’ was one of my life’s major activities. In fact had I spent as much time on schoolwork as I did Flirting, perhaps I could have grown up and been appointed ‘Flirting’ Correspondent of ’ The Times.’ .

As to my ‘flirting.’ Most of it was done between ages 12 to 17 as I travelled to and from high school on the No 55 bus. And to show my ‘flirting’ was serious let me tell you my preparation started hours before I caught the bus. Not that I was the only one who did such preparation, millions of schoolboys and schoolgirls across Britain did the same.

I cannot speak for the girls of course, or even for most boys, but as I think back my preparation for ‘Flirting’ was a ritual of planning that the Generals in World War II would have been proud of.

Part I of the ritual was me making sure I smelled as fresh as I could, consistent with a boy’s natural inclination to avoid too much water knowing it was bad for the skin. Part twol was an application to the teeth of Gibbs dentifrice known for its capacity to make teeth bright enough to dazzle the eyes of flirtees. Part three was the removal of blackheads and squeezing of pimples after which cream would be applied to cover the bruises caused by their removal. Part four was to shine my shoes with Cherry Blossom boot polish while the final part of the ritual was to groom my hair in the style of swashbuckling International English footballer and Test cricketer Dennis Compton – flat and parted in the centre, an effect that in my case could only be achieved by applying generous dollops of Brylcreem. As for the flirtees, their hair- styles followed that of the day’s most popular female movie stars.

Once on the bus my ‘Flirting’ campaign would get under way. To give me an advantage over competitors, I would try and sit as close as possible to my flirting target because without such a seat even my careful preparation could have been in vain with the result that I would be cast into a pit of despair so deep as to make life seem not worth living – at least not until my next attempt the following morning. After all, faint heart never won fair lady.

However, more important than personal feelings, although I didn’t know it at the time, ‘Flirting’ made the economy boom because, week after week, in an effort to keep ahead of their competitors, millions of young male ‘flirters’ bought every jar of Brylcreem, pimple cream and tin of Cherry Blossom shoe polish to keep up with demand. Unfortunately even though these flirting aids made the economy successful they could not guarantee personal success as I can confirm personally.

However, I wouldn’t like to give people the impression that only boys contributed to the economy, so too did the girls as they snapped up the jars of pimple cream the boys didn’t buy and forced manufacturers to invest in new plant and equipment to meet their demand for hair ribbon, cosmetics, shampoos and conditioners.

Sadly however, Brylcreem, pimple cream, Cherry Blossom, hair ribbon and the simple pleasure of eyeball jousting, now seem to have given way to mobile phones, credit cards and cars. Or does that indicate my use by date for flirting is now past?

 Comment welcome.

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3 Responses to "Does “Flirting’ have a use by date"

Paragraph writing is also a fun, if you be acquainted with afterward
you can write or else it is complex to write.

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You’ll note I’ve used lower case letters in the words prime minister. I have done that to show I no longer believe that, because of their previous actions in government, either of the candidates for the position deserve to hold the position of Australia’s most senior politician.

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